Reggie Online: The Official Reginald Perrin web site
“Grot has lots of things that aren’t of any use, some of them are red, some of them are green and some of them are puce.”
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Related Links: Scene Guide - Script Excerpts - Photos - Video Clips
In Series Two, Reggie - having faked his suicide, come back as Martin Wellbourne, worked at Sunshine Desserts again, sacked from Sunshine Desserts, worked at pig farm and sacked from pig farm - is still out of a job. Even his endearing wife Elizabeth went out to work, also to Sunshine Desserts, but she too was sacked for typing a letter deliberately wrongly.
Both are on their 'beam ends' as Jimmy described them.
Suddenly, Elizabeth has
idea: "We could open a shop. And we could make things to sell in our
But what sort of shop? "I expect we'll think of something", says Reggie reassuringly.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth's brother Jimmy pays a visit. He claims there's been "a bit of a cock-up on the catering front" and Elizabeth sets off to the kitchen to literally 'save his bacon'. It's actually a decoy "to get big sis out of the way", because Jimmy has really come to offer Reggie a place in his new private army, "ready to fight for Britain when the balloon goes up". He makes a date for Reggie to visit his bedsit for more details.
In Jimmy's bedsit, he shows Reggie his accumulating stockpile of weapons for his private army, and tells Reggie exactly the sort of scum they would be fighting against:
"...wreckers of law and order. Communists, Maoists, Trotskyists, neo-Trotskyists, crypto-Trotskyists, union leaders, Communist union leaders, atheists, agnostics, long-haired weirdos, short-haired weirdos, vandals, hooligans, football supporters, namby-pamby probation officers, rapists, papists, papist rapists, foreign surgeons (headshrinkers, who ought to be locked up), Wedgwood Benn, keg bitter, punk rock, glue-sniffers, 'Play For Today', Clive Jenkins, Roy Jenkins, Up Jenkins, up everybody's, Chinese restaurants (why do you think Windsor Castle is ringed with Chinese restaurants?)."
Reggie is mortified. "You realise the sort of people you're going to attract, don't you Jimmy? Thugs, bully-boys, psychopaths, sacked policemen, security guards, sacked security guards, ratialists, Paki-bashers, queer-bashers, Chink-bashers, anybody-bashers, rear Admirals, queer admirals, Vice Admirals, fascists, neo-fascists, crypto-fascists, loyalists, neo-loyalists, crypto-loyalists."
"Do you think so?", said Jimmy, "I thought recruitment might be difficult."
"So, are you in, Reggie?", asks Jimmy hopefully.
"I most certainly am not", replies Reggie, "I've never heard such rubbish. It is all rubbish..."
"RUBBISH!!!!" cries Reggie. And the seed for Grot is sown. He rushes back to tell Elizabeth.
Episode three ends with Reggie painting his logo onto his first High Street shop.
In episode four, Reggie
for business. Inside the shop are boards bearing such promotional
“Every single thing in this shop is guaranteed absolutely useless.”
“Hundreds of ideal gifts for people you hate.”
“Plenty of gifts for people with no taste.”
“Something nobody else has got.”
After a few false starts, he actually starts to sell the rubbish in his shop. He sells Dr. Snurd's pictures of the Algarve, Tom's wine, and a square hoop. By close of day he has made £93.82.
Pretty soon, Reggie realises he needs to expand. He gets a loan for £30,000 from C.J. and moves to an office complex. Within two years, Perrin Products (Grot) Ltd. has made profits of £750,000 and has 44 shops. Dinner invites and lecture requests flood in, and Reggie is a success.
all his old friends from Sunshine Desserts, and members of his family.
But soon, Reggie realises he is once again stuck in the suburban commuter routine which he tried so desperately to escape at Sunshine Desserts. He sets out to destroy the firm, by recruiting unsuitable people in unsuitable roles. Among them is son-in-law Tom as Head of Publicity. Despite claiming that he's "not really a slogan person", he does come up with gems such as:
“Go to Grot shops and get an eyeful of Perrin’s products with a wide range of goods which are really pretty awful”, and
“Grot is the ideal place for gifts, as it’s all on one floor, so there aren’t any lifts.”
Even Doc Morrissey has a bright idea. He suggests "January sales in September. 20% ON everything. Fantastic increases all round."
Grot to its knees only result in even more success.
Running out of options, Reggie persuades Elizabeth that they should sell the Grot empire. The series ends with the couple leaving their clothes on a beach, just like Reggie did once before. This time, however, C.J. and many other people follow suit, shedding their old lives for a new one.
|Watch Grot board meeting scene.|
Below is the complete list of Grot products described or seen in the various episodes:
Dr. Snurd’s pictures of the Algarve
unstrung tennis rackets
empty biscuit tins
breakable cricket balls
silent LPs: ("including
'We Aren’t The Champions';
'You’ll Always Walk Alone';
'Songs From A Trappist Monastery'")
upright models of the
Leaning Tower of Pisa
leaning models of the Eiffel Tower
innocuous white pill:
("they have no side-effects, there's no
need to keep them out of the reach of
children, and Catholics can take them").
cruet sets with no holes
("for masochists on diets")
useless car stickers
(including ‘We’ve been to the shop that
sells car stickers', 'We haven't been
anywhere', 'This sticker doesn't stick')
pianos with no keys
LP ‘Laryngitis In 30 Lands’: ("featuring
the silence of Max Bygraves, Des
O’ Connor, the Bay City Rollers, the
Sex Pistols and Rolf Harris")
rubber razor blades:
("for nervous shavers")
mousetraps made entirely of cheese
cheque books for the Dogger Bank
tins of melted snow
empty cardboard boxes
Jimmy’s Guess-what-it’s-for machine
dentures for pets
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Text (c) Paul Fisher.